The client says, “Tell me what this 30-page report says, and do it in less than a page.” Your job: write an executive summary. The exercise is to look at the executive summary below and bring it into line with the description – and to cut it down to between 150 and 200 words at the same time.
Starting in January 2007, a crack team of researchers at the ConDovPro home lab has been working long hours to create a reliable system so everyone who is a member of an event production crew can talk back and forth with the “big guy” – the executive coordinator. They believe the best way to do this is through a satellite link that works any time they need to talk.
After only fourteen months, beginning March 18, 2008, the lab people were ready to put their work to the test. For the first time, an entire crew of fifteen crew members was sent out to four widely separated locations with their shiny, new mobile radios all hooked into the “bird,” an ATS-6 satellite.
A truly impressive 91% plus of the 300 transmissions were a clear success. And over 98% of all the transmissions were judged to be a high enough quality that they could live with it. Of course, some transmissions got scrambled. Being in an elevator or around a lot of power equipment messed with the satellite signal. But that only happened 1.7% of the time.
The test was a whopping success. It showed that the basic premise is sound and demonstrated that the prototype design will fly. The guys in the lab think the results call for a significant speed-up in refining the radios. They also recommend that we:
· develop an antenna that can pickup signals even in areas where they didn’t get through the first time
· figure out how to configure the satellites so they cover a lot more ground
Exercise – Answer
The task was to bring the executive summary into line with the description in the newsletter and to shorten it by a hundred words or so. As usual, there are a lot of different ways to approach the job, but even allowing for individual styles, your rewrite should come pretty close to this one.
The original is in italics followed by the rewrite.
Starting in January 2007, a crack team of researchers at the ConDovPro home lab has worked long hours to create a reliable system so everyone who is a member of an event production crew can talk back and forth with the “big guy” – the executive coordinator. They believe the best way to do this is through a satellite link that works any time they need to talk.
Starting in January 2007, ConDovPro has been working on a system that allows large numbers of production crew members to communicate directly with the executive coordinator. This is “any time” communication through a satellite link.
After only fourteen months, beginning March 18, 2008, the lab people were ready to put their work to the test. For the first time, an entire crew of fifteen crew members was sent out to four widely separated locations with their shiny, new mobile radios all hooked into the “bird,” a ATS-6 satellite.
The week of March 18, 2008, the idea was given it’s first test. A ATS-6 satellite was used with fifteen crew members in four locations. Each person was equipped with a prototype mobile radio.
A truly impressive 91% plus of the 300 transmissions were a clear success. And over 98% of all the transmissions were judged to be a high enough quality that they could live with it. Of course, some transmissions got scrambled. Being in an elevator or around a lot of power equipment messed with the satellite signal. But that only happened 1.7% of the time.
Over 91% of 300 transmissions were successful. Over 98% of the transmissions were judged to be of acceptable quality. A major factor limiting the success of the transmissions (1.7% of the all transmissions) was obstructions of the satellite signal in areas with high metallic content such as elevators and concentrations of electrical power equipment.
The test was a whopping success. It showed that the basic premise is sound and demonstrated that the prototype design will fly. The guys in the lab think the results call for a significant speed-up in refining the radios. They recommend that we:
· develop an antenna that can pickup signals even in areas where they didn’t get through the first time
· figure out how to configure the satellites so they cover a lot more ground
The test supported the basic premise and demonstrated that the prototype design is sound. Results support accelerated refinement of the radios. Recommendations are:
· develop an antenna designed specifically for use in obstructed areas
· explore the configuration of satellites needed to cover a larger footprint.
Health Master
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